Sta.sh
Beautiful flaws mark her skin,
Painfully.
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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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I'm here as a critic for the legendary:
Hope you enjoy.
Critique:
Six word stories are an awesome creation of language and literature: limiting things always made them better, and when a word is one sixth of the story you don't waste it with unnecessary filler. This six word story, while not the most fantastic I have ever laid eyes upon, is quite splendid. Bravo.
I love the contrast. Beautiful, flaws and painfully don't usually fit together in a paragraph, let alone six words. This makes this piece of prose unique, interesting, vibrant. This is why I continued reading past the first two words. I understand 'beautiful flaws' was the prompt and therefore isn't as 'wow' as it otherwise would have been but I still adore the contrast as well as the link to beauty and pain; often overlooked.
But after those first two words it got a little rocky. 'mark her skin' was a little (okay, a lot) redundant. I already knew it was a 'her' and I assumed it was her skin. I picked this up from the title. So, in my opinion, either these words need to change or the title does. Once you start repeating yourself you start losing the reader. If you did delete 'mark her skin' you could fill the three word gap with something a bit more sharp, fragmented if need be, that will hook reader harder. After all, that's what six word stories are; a hook. If the title is to change, then good, I don't like it much anyway. Too blend into the background.
But despite this I think you have created a very powerful piece of work; delivered like a punch with that last word. Doable congrats for that. I'm impressed and (from what I gather from the comments) so are a whole bunch of other people. Keep writing like this. Please. Just... don't repeat.
Vision: 3.5
Originality: 4
Technique: 2.5
Impact: 3
Overall: 3.5 (in stars)
I must ask... is it out of five stars?
oh and by the way, Im also a critic in