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Submitted on
February 5, 2012
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Dearest,
Is this really goodbye?
~Me
Just something really small, I haven't done 6 word stories in forever.
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:icon3wyl:
3wyl Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
I feel as if you have portrayed so much emotion here from the words that you've chosen and the way you have set this all out as well. I really like how you've structured and phrased it, how you have emphasised the uncertainty overall with the question mark.

Great stuff. It feels pretty personal and poignant. :nod:
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Student Writer
Thank You!
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:iconruminzal:
Ruminzal Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
Let me start by saying that I dislike your title. In reality it's a fine title, but it slanders the creativity I know you actually have. I'm grading you on what I know of your talent, not of how appealing it actually is.

So, for a six story I believe a word for word analysis is appropriate (spelled that right the first time!)

Dearest. I like this word, and it makes an excellent start. It refers to a lover, and could perhaps be a nick name for someone. However, I like it the most because it can be one way, and therefore is open for interpretation.

Is. I like this word choice as well. It implies that something is happening or has happened very recently. This means feelings are fresh and nothing is quite set in stone, which in turn leads me to your next word.

This. The word "this" coupled with "is" implies that an event took place. Not just something happened, but something of note. It implies there was a fight or something bad happened, that because of the word "dearest" and "is" must mean that it happened very recently and was directly related to the relationship.

Really. This word is absolutely amazing. Mostly because it cries out denial of whatever event transpired. So far I know that something bad has recently happened to effect a relationship you shared with someone, that may or may not have actually liked you.

Goodbye. While at first this word may seem excellent, I believe it to be the weakest piece here. You can do much better. Something that's even more confusing; not just goodbye. Goodbye implies the end of the relationship, what about something that throws the reader for a loop? How about death? Or (this would require other tweaks) how about dreamt? Dearest, was this really dreamt? Like, oh no, what the Hell happened? Overall, I think this word gives way to much information when less is available.

~Me. Now I have mixed feelings about this one. On one hand, it's a good word because it confirms a suspicion; you know whoever you're talking about and they know what you're talking about, even though you probably haven't seen each other for awhile. I don't like it at the same time though, because I know you could do better.

Overall, I like it. I can really pull a story from these six words, and it makes me think a good bit too.
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Student Writer
Oh my goodness a critique on a six word story and positive feedback? Thank you!
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:iconruminzal:
Ruminzal Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
I said I'd go on a feedback spree.

x3 It'll be your turn when I finally make myself write my story...
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012  Student Writer
Yes indeed it will.
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:iconruminzal:
Ruminzal Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2012
If I ever write the thing. I really don't want to write it anymore...It's more of a job then something I enjoy right now. It never comes out the way I can see. It's beautiful in my mind, bu it never gets on the paper correctly.
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Student Writer
Well, it happens to everyone!
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:iconruminzal:
Ruminzal Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012
Yes.

The start is really the hard part for me. But I think I have it now. YAY.
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:iconsaevuswinds:
saevuswinds Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2012  Student Writer
YAY~
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