Hello I am from and I will be giving you a critique for this piece.
I love the cuteness of the poem, it's so sweet and relate able.
The title grabs my attention right away, although not enough to read the poem at first. What really grabbed my attention though was the first stanza, particularly "a mess to be remembered when we counted amoebas,deciding which ones were the lucky ones." It is really touching and interesting, it makes me want to read even more.
The second stanza was also adorable, but I first, I wasn't positive if you were talking about the microscope right away. A second read over did the trick though.
The third stanza was good, not my favorite, and something seems off but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's because the 4 lines instead of 5 in that area seems off?
In the next stanza, get rid of the exclamation mark, it makes it seem off. The rest is awesome though, this is my favorite stanza.
Second to last stanza is a good tie back to the beginning.
And the last stanza is a simple, beautiful ending.
This overall is a great spin on the topic of love. Keep writing!
I love the cuteness of the poem, it's so sweet and relate able.
The title grabs my attention right away, although not enough to read the poem at first. What really grabbed my attention though was the first stanza, particularly "a mess to be remembered when we counted amoebas,deciding which ones were the lucky ones." It is really touching and interesting, it makes me want to read even more.
The second stanza was also adorable, but I first, I wasn't positive if you were talking about the microscope right away. A second read over did the trick though.
The third stanza was good, not my favorite, and something seems off but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's because the 4 lines instead of 5 in that area seems off?
In the next stanza, get rid of the exclamation mark, it makes it seem off. The rest is awesome though, this is my favorite stanza.
Second to last stanza is a good tie back to the beginning.
And the last stanza is a simple, beautiful ending.
This overall is a great spin on the topic of love. Keep writing!